DQN Short Novel (Part 26)
Wherein spaghetti is dropped, jews are recited and lolis are stolen.
This chapter contains 70 posts, 831 words and 5113 characters.
CHAPTER ei: The Moment After the Beginning
A pretty little flower pushed its way through the broken concrete, spread its petals to face the rising sun, and was promptly stepped on by the great AQUALUNG who proceded to go down to the park and perform their hit song "Brighter Than Sunshine" to a crowd of sleeping hamsters.
The sleeping hamsters were owned by a crowd of slapping hipsters sliding in hampers, strapping hempsters sleeping in hammocks and stripping humpsters sleeping in heaps. The slapping hipsters, sleeping hamsters, stripping humpsters and strapping hempsters, collectively known as snipping hompsters, decided to show their enthusiasm for Aqualung's performance by opening then something happened.
Then Something Happened was the name of a new exciting restaurant, famous for its confrontational performance artist waiting staff, and the unexpected ingredients used in their most delicious soup, Souphellion - Extra Garlic type B negative which, as indicated by its namesake, is very difficult yet strangely rewarding to consume.
The first customers were the snipping hompsters accompanied their grand opening of Then Something Happened with a 150 yen-off sale. As a result, everybody stopped giving a fuck because things got too complicated. There were outcries for a simple way of life. The person who was to lead this simplistic movement stepped out of the disgruntled crowd and said "Excuse me may I pass through here". The crowd did not take kindly to this, and they disembowelled him.
Nestled within his thoracic cavity they found a 700 GET.
Even more shockingly, behind the mannequin (which had suddenly and inexplicably appeared) stood none other than Randy McNally, Cartographer of Love! And his book of notes which contained a lot of dick drawings interspersed with random phone numbers and two tickets to paradise.
Eating the tickets, he stabbed himself in the heart and died ungracefully. Unfortunately the tickets had expired. When he reached the gates of paradise, the gatekeeper said, "Grown men should never bite their tongue unless you eating pussy that smell like it's a stale plum."
What biting tongues had to do with anything or what pussies smelled like stale plums none dared to imagine. The reader is now invited to strike their fancy, if you know what I mean.
An enigmatic young lady by the name of Felicity Cotangent came into the room and all eyes were drawn to her. Irritated, she waved at the cloud of buzzing eyes until they dispersed. Behind her, Randy McNally, having returned from the dead, formulated a plan to deposit his sperm inside her.
But she was guarded by several imperial storm troopers, so Randy McNally would need to use all of his throat drops to distract them.
Felicity took umbrage to Cambridge, where they proceeded to enter the castle, only to find that the princess was in another one. Annoyed, Felicity began shouting an endless monologue of profanities and compliments to the chef.
An entire cubic kilometre of spaghetti fell out of Felicity's pockets. Before any of it could hit the ground, a squealing blur deftly intercepted every piece. The tomato-sauce-splattered razorback hog skidded to a stop and looked admiringly at muh dick.
He then proceded to recite the entirety of ttp://dis.4chan.org/read/vip/1228352361/ (JEWS [Part 8]) backwards whilst weeping for his runaway master, the GSS.
The GSS, who was in the middle of searching for his runaway sister, found himself in a Mars rover which was strapped to a gigantic runaway boulder, which had fallen off of a mountain years in the past due to a tumbling river wheel.
"JEWS!" He shouted into the cold night, lamenting the days gone by, when he would have gaysex with VIPPERS at all hours while the Universal Quantifier sang Carmina Burana on repeat at quadruple-tempo.
Meanwhile, Gascone was kissing her brother Goscone despite Giscone being in the same room and looking mightily aroused by the incestuous exchange. Guscone, on the other hand, appeared rather nonplussed by the whole thing. The controversial directors Gescone and Gyscone (no relation to the aforementioned razorback hogs) were filming the entire experience for their upcoming independent unrated art film, titled Gallscones II, the Gallening.
Unfortunately, due to budget cuts they had to replace the whole class with clonepas and lolis, who they payed in leftover government cheese and insignificant GETS, such as >>745.
Predictably enough, the lolis soon were swept up by Child Services vans, and whisked away to parts unknown. The Clonepas rejoiced, for their clonekittens had returned once more to duel with the rich people.
Thus shall end their tyranny. The duels resulted in the government cheese being strewn about so violently, the place looked like a mozzarella volcano had hit it. But this was not all. The lolis disappearing caught the attention of Ace Dilowitz, private detective, and he thought that something sinister may be happening. As it turns out, there wasn't. At least, nothing sinister related to the aforementioned lolis was happening. However, there was one loli who was tangled up in all sorts of sinister plots. One very special loli known as the GSL.