DQN Short Novel (Part 18)
This chapter focuses on the conflict between the Great Sky Loli and the Great Sky Shota. I shouldn't need to remind you what fundamental philosophical concepts each of them embodies and represents. This is found on 4-ch in DQN.
This chapter contains 119 posts, 2100 words and 11,919 characters.
Chapter 104-B: Return of the Great Sky Shota
Dr. Robotnik was very angry when he was having his morning tea since Scratch and Grounder served him pancakes instead of eggs. Gradually, over a period of months, they had also been inserting subliminal snippets of gay imagery into his daily porno. Dr Robotnik's pet iguana was goggling silently at him as he was transcending space and time in a most illegal manner.
"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" shouted the spacetime police. "YOU'VE BROKEN THE LAWS OF PHYSICS FOR THE LAST TIME!" They then apprehended him and locked him up in a Faraday cage, where he rubbed 2 sticks together in a most erotic manner. One of these sticks was a piece of dynamite, but my dick explode, what happen? Someone set up us the bomb. We get PINGAS. Cut the monitors!
The nonsensical rambling coming from the wall-mounted speakers stopped abruptly. Everything went dark. The glow of the monitors had been the only source of light in the room, and now a heavy blackness weighed down upon the igunaa like a backpack full of unnecessary granola bars.
Now was his chance. The iguana used his fire-tongue to light the dynamite, and ran to the other corner of the Faraday cage. Boom! said the dynamite as it kindly opened an escape route, which the iguana quickly took, using his Robotnik-enhanced eyes to navigate through the darkness.
As the iguana scrambled into the air duct just as power returned and the alarms began to wail, he sent a telepathic message. "Robotnik, this is your iguana. I have escaped. I promise I will make it home one day."
Meanwhile, everyone's favourite Great Sky Shota was flashing his tiny penis at everyone while screaming "CRAAAAAAZY!" "nine nine nine nine BAKA!" because this Great Sky Shota wasn't just ANY Shota, he aws Pico, returned to seek vengeance on toe forsaken land of Fingers.
"Gentletoes and ladyfingers!" announced General Thumb in a commanding voice, inspiring bravery in the fleshy hearts of the trembling Digit Troopers.
"The day has finally come," he continued. "Pico has come for vengeance, as prophesied 9999 years ago in the Book of Shota. But we are not forsaken! We have had 9999 years to prepare, and prepare we did! Now let's show that Great Sky Shota that he's not so Gre-"
Suddenly, General Thumb's speech was interrupted by the Great Sky Loli. "Huzzah!" she exclaimed. "Now you are in my power! WELCOME TO DIE!" The GSL and the GSS then proceeded to have a danmaku battle, featuring plenty of floral motifs, lasers and androgyny. Unfortunately, Private Pinky found himself caught in the crossfire and met Rainbow Dash who was mutating hideously due to exposure of the highly toxic pollutants that contaminate the Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers. The pollution was caused by leftover fecal matter from the embarrassing Butthole Fingering Incident which had occurred a few years ago.
Thinking quickly, Private Pinky realized that the hideous mutant ex-pony could turn the tides of this horrible war.
"You there, hideous mutant ex-pony!" he shouted, "We need a more tasteful subject matter for this novel!" He paused in thought. "Perhaps a story of psychological alienation in postwar France, told from the viewpoint of nihilistic Left Bank intellectual." And thus everyone stopped fighting and gathered 'round to hear Private Pinky's twisted tale of La Rive Gauche.
"I'm so alienated," he said. "C'est fromage." With those first few words, the audience was completely captivated. Pinky continued,
"So spoke a young Parisian boy as he pondered with idle fascination, wondering whether the betrayal in Barcelona was particularly troublesome that day."
"No, you fool!" shouted the deformed equine, "It was Venice, not Barcelona! Venice! Also, you dropped your 200GET."
Sure enough, Pinky's 200GET had dropped out of his pocket and was languishing in the dirt. The audience who had been so appreciative moments ago laughed, mocked him and threw up all over each other.
Back in Poland, Dr. Robotnik's iguana, hereafter known as Robuana, was lost. Lost in the eyes of an unexpected lover, that is. Her name was Samus Aran, the girl with the gun who screams through time.
Meanwhile, an alienated Samus Aran cosplayer was giving herself a vodka enema and recording a video of it. Once the video was completed, it was shown to the real Samus and Robuana. Robuana smiled and raised an eyebrow, but Samus said, "no, I'm not putting vodka in meazz " and was immediately teleported to the captcha/readability thread instead.
Robuana was saddened by the inexplicable disappearance of his companion, but decided to just forget about it and continue watching the video. Before he had a chance to, however, a couch sneaked up and placed itself furtively underneath his posterior. "Comfy," he thought. And then, just when he least expected it, the couch converted itself into the dreaded Comfy Chair.
"Heh, it's just a comfy chair; nothing to be afraid of!" thought Robuana. And then it ate him.
A pair of mittens was all that was left of him after this gruesome spectacle, leaving us to wonder: where did Robuana go?
The answer was, of course, that Robuana had fused with the dastardly Comfy Chair. Having absorbed Robuana's power, the Comfy Chair snickered evilly and shot off into the sky. The time had come to seat his master. The prophesied Sitting was drawing near. Soon, a certain evil over-sized buttocks would sink itself into the Comfy Chair's plushy pads and the universe would tremble.
The corpse of Tharsh was being desecrated by a feral platypus which said "THAT IS IMPUDENCE!!!! U R SAYING IMPUDENCE 2 ME!". Tharsh's untimely demise had come about as a result of his impudence. In the light of the setting sun, the platypus's matted fur was outlined in gold, casting a positively regal quality to the creature. This is exactly as it should be; the platypus was in fact the king of impudence. The platypus finished desecrating Tharsh to his satisfaction. Through this unholy act of impudence, the platypus had absorbed Tharsh's power. His platypusian veins coursed with his newfound toasty strength.
"I...I AM...THARSH!" he exclaimed.
Then Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, set off in search of his next impudent victim: the Great Sky Shota, who was suffering from severe gender dysphoria. As he had been raised in the belief that his twin sister would always be superior to him in every possible way, though, his wish to be the little girl instead was probably inevitable.
To Tharsh's horror, when he finally located the GSS, he looked just like Kagamine Len wearing a Frank-N-Furter costume. "Don't judge me," sobbed the teary-eyed barely-teenager and closet mycologist. Tharsh the platypus, king of impudence, just shook his head in disappointment. There was no impudence in this one. But just as Tharsh was turning to leave, the Great Sky Loli reared her tsundere head!
"Don't forget about me," she said. "I'm going to destroy this Toe Forsaken Land of Fingers and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Tharsh quivered in joy. Here was the impudence he had been searching for. Naturally, Tharsh was forgetting about the GSL's innate ability to spontaneously combust, when she suddenly burst into flames. "Well, crap," thought Tharsh.
The spontaneous combustion of the GSL caused the monitors, that is to say, the small tribe of monitor lizards living nearby, to unhatch. They quickly formed protective layers of eggshell around their bodies to avoid getting scorched.
In a distant land, the nefarious Comfy Couch felt a tingling beneath his cushions. Robuana, whose power was still latent within the depths of the evil couch's folds, sensed that his brothers the monitor lizards had finally hatched. Perhaps there was still hope...
The comfy couch ignored the tingling and continued sofaing on toward his destination.
Back in the Land of Fingers, a fire was now spreading through Tharsh's heart (metaphorically speaking). His ass had pimples. Even these pimples had pimples. And these ass pimple pimples were, at this very moment, getting carbuncles. "Ow," he said.
Then, proceeding to some pretty good advice that he saw on TV last night the best thing to do was to see a medical professional. So off he went to see his chiropractor, to fix what could only have been caused by subluxations. As it happens, this chiropractor was none other than Mr Gray, making an unexpected return. After taking one glance at Tharsh's pimple pimple carbuncles, he said "Ew. You need to see a dermatologist, dude. Also, you might want to put on a clean shirt, because they're gonna be taking pictures of you for the medical journals."
Tharsh swallowed his pride and half a liter of semen, in order to improve the smell of his breath. He then fished in his pockets for his verification code.
"Fuck," he exclaimed upon finding it. "I wasn't expecting that!"
And by "that," Tharsh was referring to the fact that his captcha was "tharsh". As the reader may or may not recall, Tharsh was originally born of a particularly interesting captcha. Thus Tharsh remembered his true origins. No longer was he slave to the king of impudence. The power of captcha coursed through his body, and with a horrifying roar heard across the galaxy, Tharsh's original self siezed control from the impudent platypus. The mental change was reflected by a physical change, and Tharsh began to grow. He was transforming into a grotesque and terrifying platypus-mecha-hybrid version of his original human form, power armor and toast crumbs included!
"WHARRRGARBL! Toast for breakfast!" he cried, reciting his infamous catchphrase. If the GSL hadn't spontaneously combusted, she would have looked on and beamed with pride.
Thankfully, the GSL had had herself cloned a few days prior, just in case she happened to explode. But something had gone wrong! Her clone did not have a delicious flat chest. Rather, she had developed a delicious somewhat-busty chest (B cup) and thus could hardly be called a loli, despite being otherwise identical to the GSL. This enabled her to make a bit of money starring in teen porn videos on the side, though, so she got a lot more media exposure out of the cloning mishap.
-‐‐- 、 ／ ヽ ! ! 人|,.iﾉl_ﾉ） i 乂-‐ －! i This clone wouldn't happen be an albino with red eyes ＼ヽ .ゞ - ﾉノ and a pageboy hairdo, would she? ｀｀フ i´ / ＼ﾉゝ /__i |丱!| ━━つ━つ━━∞∞∞======== == THE REI'S NOVEL == ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
As it happens, it wasn't. And so it came to be that many things did come to pass. For verily, events were eventuating as swiftly as ever, and time stoppeth for no man, not even for Great Sky Loli clones. Indeed, the only one it doth stop for is the maid at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, who does not appear in this story and never will. But I digress.
Tharsh inhaled deeply and quizzically. Something smelled like poop.
人 （＿_） （＿＿） （ ＿＿ ） （ ・∀・）Did someone mention poop? （二二二） ＼ ／ ｉ´ `i ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ . ＿＿＿ -squeek- （二二二） ＼ ／ ｉ´ `i ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
Meanwhile, in the Turquoise Angel Mansion, a maid by the name of Youka Naebi （八日萎日） was pouring highly concentrated sodium hydroxide solution into one of the toilets, whose drain seemed to have been infested by some squeeky parasitic creatures. As usual, she did her work very slowly but with great care and precision.
Naebi's mistress was up to no good; She started making trouble in my neighborhood. We got in one little fight and my mom got scared, and said "You're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."
Luckily, this was >>274's only appearance in this story, and so Naebi merely waved goodbye and wished him well in his new home. She then convinced her mistress to come back home before it got too dark.
After all, there was a grand tea party to prepare for - and the Hatter would certainly be there. Her mistress was certainly looking forward to the Hatter's gift of new headgear. After all, the old popular saying rang just as true today: hatters gonna hat.