DQN Short Novel (Part 2)

DQN Short Novel

The second section shocks readers with a sudden postapocalyptic vision of central locations seen in the first section, before descending into a near-incomprehensible mess of attempted thread derailment and Touhou references.

It contains 80 posts, 809 words and 4822 characters.

EPILOGUE: Dying Flames of a Dokyun's Heart

The lonely figure stumbled through the ruins of the former Semi-Democratic Loli's Republic of Poland, on his face a look of resignation to the inevitable fate of mankind; that inescapable debt of mortality. A single tear rolled silently down his dirt streaked face. It was hard to believe that but a few hours earlier, Beady Eyes had died. The subsequent lack of thread derailment caused a catastrophic run in on-topic threads that gave Master an urge to bait the Great Sky Loli into an intimate business deal involving Beady Eyes plush toys. "Kawaii~!" she squeaked.

I like Claire! was the name of the company set up to manufacture the toys. What the Great Sky Loli didn't know, however, was that nobody really liked Claire, who was actually 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan, who was actually Marisa Kirisame, who was actually a girl with schizophrenia from THE FUTURE to which she would inevitably have to return in the tear-jerking final scene. But before that, she totally hit on Beady Eyes.

As soon as he revealed that he had died on several occasions ("Meanwhile, the aforementioned Beady Eyes died" ... "The great sky loli was not pleased with this turn of events, and killed him." ... "Ha ha," laughed Beady Eyes, who--died when the carrot he had stuffed up his ass exploded." ... "Beady Eyes had died."), she realised that penis is not something he ever had lacked the capacity to talk about at great length. This was probably due to the fact he didn't have one, having lost it in the great beady eyes war of 1992, which was started due to a lack of the eyes needed to cook good soup for both world leaders.

Editor's note: the writer of the previous sentence was sacked for his blasphemous mention of times prior to 1993, which obviously cannot exist in the universe.

Meanwhile, in Poland, the GSL (Great Sky Loli) had just made a SHOCKING REVELATION!! It turns out that Claire totally hit on Beady Eyes. As soon as he penis mightier than the sword, he agreed. He put on a frilly dress and touhou hat, grabbed a bat just in case, and went out to the universe to celebrate a lack of christmas. "It's a Festivus for the rest of us," he squeaked in his high squeaky voice.

Yet before he knew it, his frilly dress and Touhou hat started a christmas festival, right there, right then, which Reimu perceived as another "incident," and so she came to subdue the haunted dress and hat with a spray of ofuda danmaku. Meanwhile--the Polish uprising against their tyrannical overlord, the GSL, was approaching fruition. In just two days, Reimu's danmaku accidentally reached the headquarters of the Polish uprising and then the characters killed the author.

As the author was, of course, the one who wrote this, it was considered suicide. At the author's funeral, members of the Westboro Baptist Church ttp://twitter.com/#!/KujibikiRumble did not like that persons twitter account so they tracked down the owner, kidnapped him and slowly stroked his earlobes. As the Ferengian moaned in ecstasy, the Westboro Baptist cultists plunged a hamster right into his wide, gaping...

...plot holes.

Without warning, a huge statue of H.P. Baxxter was erected right in front of a mysterious alien's flux capacitator. After craftily hiding the glowing letter Y inside his Y-chromosomes, he began a ritual to invoke the masculinity that lies in the heart of every true boy across the galaxy! And, slowly but surely, bystanders began to point and laugh. Their interruption caused the ritual to go awry, resulting in the GSL suddenly deciding to ban the letter Y inside the nation of Canada, unaware that the failure of the masculinity invoking ritual had caused every man in the galaxy to become a catgirl!

"Nya~!" said the former Gerald Jay Sussman, before conjuring our spirits with the aid of an absurdly oversized Canadian, eh? The sudden influx of catgirls caused a dramatic increase in nerd murders by people suffering from Moéshit Redundancy Disorder which was reported to the Department of Redundancy Department and that message accidentally was received by the Ministry of Silly Walks.

Penis shaped protrusions were found on the side of his penis, which exploded into many dick fragments, killing at least 3, including the author. (The remains of this manuscript were received posthumously.) Suddenly, a corpse fell through the skylight! The deadly dick fragments had claimed their fourth victim: the great GSL herself! Unfortunately, the corpse was mistakenly delivered to the Ministry of Silly Walks, thus patching up the plot a bit. Meanwhile, in Japan, Godzilla movies remained inexplicably popular. Roger Ebert, on a trip to Fukushima, accidentally grew to a height of 700 ft, and gave the NHK news report about his subsequent exploits three thumbs up. And that, children, is how Nyan Cat was created.

The end.

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