DQN Short Novel (Part 34)
After a start which may be best forgotten about, the third book picks up where the second left off, focussing on the adventures of various Great Sky Entities and Smoopies.
This chapter contains 43 posts, 836 words and 4745 characters.
Chapter Allodicious Naugentigo: The reversal of the Nines and the Collapse of the Sixes ~ Candid Immortal Disease
It wa worrying. The goyim were stirring. The smell of their uncircumcised penises was almost tangible.
A shrine maiden wandered in from nowhere in particular, waved her gohei over their heads and, with a flash of light and a puff of smoke, the DQNs were turned into VIPPERs. A large turtle with a beard wandered in from around the same place as the shrine maiden and grumbled about training and flight spells.
And then the universe exploded.
"Mama mia!" said everyone's favorite flat-chested deity. The GSL was getting tired of having to fix the universe, especially since she was still trying to find a cure for her chronic Italianitis. Instead of sitting down at the computer for another long night of bugfixing and searching for where she put the most recent backup copy of universe.exe and all its associated files, she handed the task over to Dr. Robotnik, who fucked it up as usual.
All the while, the uncircumcised goyim were polluting the air with the smell of foreskin. God's Chosen People were getting angered. Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII has arrived in his armoured monster truck limo to drop off some more characters returning from earlier DQN Short Novels.
Smoopy did not like that this was happening. Smoopy also did not like the increasingly nagging feeling that he had once, in some former life, been a man called Walbert Smeth. "Why not try this site ttp://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/ " suggested Plumber Chrysanthemum, jumping out from the bushes behind Smoopy and hitting him with a lead pipe. This, of course, did nothing, since Smoopy was quite gelatinous. However, the pipe did stick into Smoopy's blubbery flesh, and Plumber Chrysanthemum was not able to retrieve it.
"voy," said Smoopy. "Where the balls did the post your captcha thread go?" Little did he know that it was only a few lines down in the thread list, and he could easily access it at any time.
"ritete!" Smoopy's sub machine gun sounded. Plumber Chrysanthemum was now Plumber Swiss Cheese.
"Why did you turn me into Swees Chiss, mang? What deh hell iss youhr prohbelm?" Plumber Swiss Cheese said in a heavy Mexican accent.
"Well," said Smoopy, "I was hoping that you would turn into the perfect vessel to absorb Italianitis."
Dogs Smoopy dog arrived at the scene. He slowly approached Smoopy and, without so much as a contemptuous flourish, he bellowed his own sacrilegious ass all the way to Chlorophobiatlantis. He then yelled, in a most flustered tone, "I hate myself and I want to die BECAUSE IT'S WINTER I thought to myself, as I watched the snow drift by my office window, and put down my cup of coffee after having taken a small sip. Just a second after that, I took a trip, to the nip of the clip."
Smoopy stared in silent shock for a few moments, then responded,
"You got serious flow, bro."
Dogs Smoopy dog simply nodded his head and turned the gun on himself.
Øystein Aarseth happened to pass by, so he took a piece of Smoopy's skull, which was lying on the ground, and made a necklace out of it. That shit so cash, yo. Smoopy saw this skull and wondered, How did that get there? How does a gelatinous mass such as myself have a skull? And then he realized, that was not his skull. It was Walbert Smeth's skull.
it was only that not recognizing the futility of all life Walters map decided to throw caution to the wind and marinate is in tire novels using voice recognition software without correcting it for errors at all
Smoopy did not know much about voice recognition software, but he did know that he had to get that skull back. Unfortunately for him, the focus of the novel was about to switch to the travels of the Great Sky Siblings.
"Poopy poop mcpoop poop poop," said Smoopy. The voice recognition software typed out MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN. Smoopy backspaced over the word SWOLLEN and tried again. MY NUTS ARE SWOLLEN
At this time Smoopy was confused as to whether he was Dogs Smoopy dog or not. He wasn't.
Meanwhile, Dogs Smoopy dog had wandered over to see if everyone's favorite youthful deities still needed any of his magical essence. As it turned out, they didn't. To make things even more confusing, Cats Smoopy cat had wandered in. He was on vacation in Benin and had just now gotten back.
"Hello," said Cats Smoopy cat. "Where is my good friend, Goscone?"
"In the briar patch" said Dogs Smoopy dog or maybe just regular Smoopy.
"You can find the briar patch just behind the 50 GET," said the GSL.
"While we make our way there, we can tell you all about how we turned the sixes all back into nines, cured ourselves of Italianitis, prevented the Clonepa apocalypse, and found the true meaning of love," added the GSS.
"Waachaa!" Yelled a leaping Jack Chan but his kick was blocked by The Late Spirit of Eternal Chuck Norris.