DQN Short Novel (Part 4)
If you can still follow the plot at this point, it is recommended that you seek mental help immediately.
This section contains 84 posts, 1945 words and 11165 characters.
Chapter Three: Where the fuck is the plunger, and should ▇▇▇▇'s tanooki costume have gigantic balls attached to the front to add realism to it?
DQN-kun was busy trying to put on a third mitten when the mitten came to life, exclaiming "Please DQN-kun, let me touch Espeon penis with penis!"
"Certainly not!" replied DQN-kun, "That Espeon is a bad influence! I don't want you seeing her again, let alone doing any kind of frottage. Do I make myself clear?"
The mitten looked sorry for itself and decided now would be a good time to engage in one of those Touhou marathons he was so fond of, but felt like swimming in a pool of grease while dressed as a penis in a condom. However the mitten's healthy exercises were interrupted by a gentle touch of Espeon's penis who opposed DQN-kun's idea of waifu selection, thus causing an internal combustion to take place in the region of his penis
And that was when Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII appeared and decided to finally enact his secret plan that he had kept quiet all along... He then summoned godzilla and stood on it's head whilst donning a frilly dress and a Touhou hat, which gave him Touhou powers.
He was stronger than Batman, Super Man, The Hulk, and Woody the Woodpecker, when Batman, Super Man, The Hulk, Woody the Woodpecker, Reimu, Marisa and 1000 lawyers teamed up and collectively challenged him to a spellcard battle. Honorable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII had no choice but to write a lengthy post about it on his livejournal, but before he could do so the CLASS ACTION spellcard forced Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII off blogosphere. But his plans would not be foiled so easily.
"You haven't seen the last of me!" he threatened, "I'll be back to steal the 500 GET, mark my words!"
Nobody was actually listening to him, because they were all distracted by the upcoming 400 GET, which was going to change everything, again.
( ・-・) 400 get. was all that was written on the piece of paper held by Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII. "Hahahaha," laughed Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, "Everything goes by my plan. You fell for it, thinking that I'm out until 500 GET? But here I am, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, a man who got 400 GET! HAHAHA! Fools, your minds are nothing but a toy for my knowledgeable prowess!" And tried to awkwardly retreat out of a locked wooden door while simultaneously avoiding shoes thrown at him.
He retreated outside and found an alleyway to his left. He went down there and hid behind a trashcan. Suddenly he heard a sound that made his blood practically freeze.
Some bum burped in the trashcan which immediately alerted everyone to Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII's location.
"Come with me if you want to live." Said a shadowy figure at the end of the alley.
It looked like Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII had no choice but to go along. He ran after the shadowy figure which led him out of the alley and into a street. The street was dusty and the buildings surrounding him were constructed from wood and steel. It appears Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII had time traveled back to 1850 - The American Old West.
He looked behind him and the alley had disappeared. As he turned back around, there stood in front of him was the TARDIS.
Unfortunately however it appeared to be out of service, as indicated by the sign taped lazily upon it which read, "Out of service".
Just then, scores of Arab-themed Touhou-ish characters appeared in the street and in all the windows of the town, showering Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII with a danmaku of flying shoes. Dodging and backflipping madly, he dove through the bat-wing gateway of a saloon, only to see that he had entered what appeared to be a gay saloon filled with men in assless chaps and coyboy hats.
Then, one man stood in front of him and did a pelvic thrust in his direction, shooting a dart out of his crotch at Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, hitting him right in the neck. Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII ended up collapsing as the dart was laced with a sleeping sedative.
Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII awoke to find himself tied up and stripped of jewish gold which he had taken when all of the events going on earlier had happened and we lost track of him. Sadly, the case of the Jewish gold would never reach the light of day. However, this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.
"If anything, I could say this cat was reir Forget it--" said Woll Smoth, just before being tackled by Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII for posting captchas and Bel-Airing in his thread.
"Now," said Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII, "where was I? Right, about the Jew gold. You see, it all started..."
... on a sunny day just a few years after the discovery of the internet. Kids were playing in gardens, laughing at rainbows in the sprinklers. Birds were singing and flowers were blooming.
"Tworlot Sporkle had just taught me a valuable lesson about friendship," continued Woll Smoth. "Wait a minute. Goddommit, Fronk!" he shouted, as he was hit in the head with a shoe. Suddenly, Wool Smooth popped out of nowhere and clashed in a death-struggle with Woll Smoth. "Die! Die you, bastard," shouted Wool Smooth as he was making Woll Smoth struggle. To which Woll Smoth replied, "No! No, you die, block porson!"And made Wool Smooth struggle in return.
Meanwhile, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII continued his story, "...as I said it was a pleasant day. Anybody would love to take a stroll on a such fine day. However, it wasn't that enjoyable for molesting pigeons in the park, which is my favorite springtime activity." His audience gasped audibly. "But I'll be damned if a little heightened security is going to stand in the way of that."
At the apex of his narration, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was cut short once more. Wool Smooth's blood-curdling cries of anguish crashed upon scores of mahogany furnishings as he crashed through the door, incurring damages which would cost a small amount to repair. Continuing to struggle, for he appears capable of little else, Wool smooth thrashed about in what might have been a brilliant display of interpretive dance had he not bumped into a large dresser, felling its contents, and in fact the dresser itself, upon him.
"You hove doed, and I om not doed," proclaimed Woll Smoth, with a particularly gentlemanly raise of his fist.
ttp://youtu.be/nUCvjRU0neM North Corea quality!
">>422, vodios throd is othor woy, you bloind chomp," Woll Smoth turned his head to >>422, "Feel moi wroth!"
"No! Please no!" screamed mr. >>422 knowing that he's already doed.
Seeing >>422's broken body lying pitifully at their feet, Woll Smoth and Wool Smooth decided to put aside their differences and work together to discover a cure for Wool Smooth's peculiar medical ailment - namely, that he is deceased.
And Woll Smoth bent his body to inspect the dresser, and when his face was close enough a fist punched a hole through the wood and hit Woll Smoth in the nose.
"Ooh, OW!" said Woll Smoth. "Hahahaha! You fool! I'm not doed, I'm simply mutilated a bit," laughed mighty Wool Smooth in his face! And then Woll Smoth jumped on Wool Smooth and Wool Smooth jumped on Woll Smoth and they began to struggle once more.
Meanwhile, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII carefully looted >>422 body and took his boots. He packed them together with the one that hit Woll Smoth in the head before the struggle. He coughed and continued his riveting story,
"So, it all happened one day when I met this old Jewish guy by the name of Dewey Cheatham Goldstein. He had just told me about an old legend dating back to Biblical times. As you can imagine, it involved lots of Jew gold. My memory from those days are hazy, but it went something like this..." said Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII.
Suddenly, Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was shot in the face twelve times by a wild BULBASAUR playing around with a loaded gun using its lovely tentacles. It picked up the gun earlier in the day when Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII was preparing his speech. He was trying to remember a Jewish story of Dewey Cheatham Goldstein which went something like this:
Once upon a time there was a beautiful transvestite called Dewey Cheatham Goldstein, who owned a pile of Jew gold. Honourable Chairman George Bush CXXVIII stole the gold by distracting her with Dr. Robotnik's latest invention, created specifically for this purpose: a fully automated data reduction pipeline for the FRODOSpec integral field spectrograph which in layman terms was just an easier way to search for hobbits, which is yelling at midgets.
And Dr. Robotnik just couldn't stop yelling at midgets, because it's hobbit-forming.
Meanwhile, in the offices of the Pun Police Sean Connery was playing Jeopardy with Dr. Robotnik's PINGAS, who went by the name of Charles. Charles had five arms dealers working for him in various countries. Because of his contacts in the arms trade, he was able to procure prototypes that have not been inside filthy JEWish rectums. Yet.
Somewhere else in this vast world, a vipper hijacked a dokyun for pocket change. The Dokyun changed the VIPPER's pockets, feeling satisfied with the sew service provided, the VIPPER proposed an affiliation between SAOVQ and DQN. However, t'was not to be. As any self-respecting Dokyun will tell you, SAoVQ would not allow any cooperation without a price. After all, Daddy Cool is a JEW and SAoVQ is fags. The price VIPPER demand is gay sex involving trace amounts of scat and 4chan memes.
It's an evil circle. Daddy Cool's brilliant plan to deprive Jews from their jew gold, for which he invented VIPcoins. But it backfired. Anxious VIPPERS weren't the Jews. In desperation they had to commit petty crimes just to be able to pay him enough. As the days of secretly exchanging VIPcoins for gold and then receiving them back as a "gift", hebrewness of Daddy Cool grew and grew, turning him into a Jew...
...Into the biggest Jew the world ever seen.
His black heart craved for the pure essence of an abrupt change of topic. Meanwhile, on a fishing vessel in the North Sea, all engines stopped for reasons that could only be explained by there being a problem with the engine in some way.
"Keikaku doori," said Beady Eyes, who had never previously displayed any talent for foreign languages. Smug Fathead leaped dramatically into the scene, having spotted his nemesis, Beady Eyes. "You!" he shouted.
The engine had a problem. It was numb, dumb and full of cum. Just like this novel!
But that was besides the point. We had engine problems and we needed a solution. Since Beady Eyes and Smug Fathead were too busy having gay sailor sex, the only one we could call on to fix this problem was nobody because the engine got sucked into a spacial vortex sending it off to somewhere in Gensokyo after catching on fire and exploding, killing everything around it with the force of a nuclear bomb because I said so.
The end! of >>461's ridiculous input. Anyway, as we were saying, the only one we could call on to fix this problem was dead because they died since they were killed.