DQN Short Novel (Part 40)

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No, I have no idea either.

This chapter contains 7 posts, 429 words and 2504 characters.

Chapter 10: Pedantic Interlude[edit]

It was a quiet morning in the town of Left Ham. The sun shone cheerily off the rooftops, but caromed most cheerly off of one particular blue rooftop. Oh hey, that's your house! You terminate your out-of-body experience and awaken with a start to the sound of a raucous alarm clock.

OH NO YOU ARE LATE FOR THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

comb-uniform-lunch-bread-door-ittekimasu

You dash down the street towards your school, Upper Left Ham Ancillary Military Science Gakuen Academy for the Overprivileged and Underdeveloped.

You see your childhood friend Halko Tanaka up ahead. "HALKO GOOD MORNING!" you yell. She turns around and you are surprised to see that she's holding an extremely deadly venomous snake.

"Help a wizard made me hold this snake and said that if I let go he would kill me and my whole family."

You look in confusion at her. The snake is ready to strike. You decide to stay back in fear of your own life. The snake lunged at her wrist, mouth open and ready to bite, when suddenly the narrative shifted back into third-person past tense! The narrative shift's resulting shock wave slightly altered the venomous snake's strike path, so that its teeth clamped down on Halko-chan's right breast.

Our hero, Shinzaemon-kun, stared in mute horror as the snake gnawed bewilderedly on Halko's mammary unit. He wondered if he should suck out the poison.

"WAHAHAHA good thing I forgot to take out my USB boob-warmers today!" shouted Halko, flinging the perplexed snake to the side. "Come on we're late for school!"

The End

Having finally concluded the Mystery of the Druids, the literal pirate (the bilingual tripate) smiled at the audience, waiting for their applause. The audience, which as you may recall consisted of cloned dodo birds and razorback hogs, simply stared back in shocked silence at the sudden ending.

"What the hell happened to Goscone?" a razorback finally grunted out.

"Yeah, and what about the druids?" shouted a cloned dodo bird.

"That was the worst story ever! It didn't even make any sense!" somebody chimed in.

"Okay, okay," the pirate said, hushing the audience with his hands. "Allow me to begin Part 2..."

But then Halko-chan burst in and did a flying kick into the literal pirate's head so hard that it was decapitated entirely. The severed head flew out of the window, sprouted wings and went to live on the moon.

Halko-chan composed herself and began to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she began, "I forgot what I was going to say!"

The audience cheered in approval. They loved happy endings.