Kopipe:4chan

From Tanasinn.info

/b/

BAM! TO BEHOLD, A PUBLIC BULLETIN BOARD, BUILT OF BOTH BRILLIANCE AND BARBARITY BY BASTARDS WITH BONERS. THIS BASTION, NO MERE BULWARK OF BOREDOM, IS A BRUTAL BARRAGE OF BLISTERING BULLSHIT, BARELY BENEVOLENT... BUT BEHIND THE BIGOTRY AND BOOBS, BEYOND THE BITTER BROADCASTS OF BRAGGING BUFFOONS: HERE BE THE BODY POLITIC. A BROTHERHOOD OF BLASPHEMY, BLESSED WITH MORE BALLS THAN BRAINS, BATTLING THE BLAND, THE BOGUS, THE BENIGN. BEDLAM? BRING IT ON. BUT I BABBLE... BETTER TO BE BRIEF. YOU MAY CALL ME /B/.

15M get

For almost THREE MINUTES /b/'s highest post count was 14999949. All attempts at posting were blocked with a "MySQL connection failure." I can believe a connection failure for 90%, 99%, or 99.9% of the total posters. But for three minutes not ONE post made it to /b/. That's IMPOSSIBLE. By the laws of probability at least a few posters should have been able to successfully post. But no. ALL POSTS were blocked for THREE MINUTES. After this time, we are greeted with a stickied 15000000GET of Spacecataz. The first post in the sticky was made FOUR MINUTES after that sticky was supposed to have been posted. With tens of thousands of /b/tards refreshing madly, is it remotely plausible that it took thousands of pairs of eyes FOUR MINUTES to locate the sticky and type out a reply? Or rather, is it more plausible that that sticky was made during the "dark period" wherein nobody could post? Nobody, that is, except for you know who.

The trick to mod fuckery is not to make it obvious, guys. There have been failGETS before, but at least there was a glimmer of hope that they were simply failing users, not mods stroking their bloated egos. Now there can be no doubt. Fuck you, mods. Fuck you.

4chan is pathetic

Seriously, anyone who goes and needs to re-look their life.

Especially if you masturbate to the "porn" on there.

Now, I'm not the type of guy who discriminates against hentai... but when it comes to child pornography from children's programming then that's just crossing the line.

The memes aren't funny (with a few exceptions). They're only funny to people with an IQ of 21... and an age of 8.

People need to really re-think of what's funny on the Internet if they think a Black Face firing a laser from its mouth is the funniest thing in the world.

So please, if you're a /b/tard or whatever it's called anyway. You're pathetic and pitiful.

A simple means to reduce the amount of copy pasta

I've figured out a simple means to reduce the amount of copy pasta on /b/. Just like 4chan scans for duplicate images, it can also scan for duplicated text. If you try to submit a post that contains 98% of the same text as some other post, then it can reject your post as copy pasta. This will force stupid 4channers to be more original.

About /b/

There is no way to describe /b/. Or 4chan. Any attempt by an outsider to describe us will completely miss the point. And I get where you're coming from because I was once there myself.

I've been here for years, but when I'm asked to describe /b/ I'm at a loss for words.

To truly understand what it is like here, you must stay for at least a month. It's not about the memes, it's about the apathy, the hatred, and the intentional stupidity.

The Internet (despite what people say) is not taken seriously by a /b/tard. In real life, I smile and wave to people, I say thank you. But on 4chan, I discard my morality. I encourage people to commit suicide. I call respected members of the black community niggers and say that the Jews did the World Trade center.

So, my friend, you would to best simply to say we are being assholes for the hell of it. Because the Internet is not serious business.

Also, I know I'm going to get flamed up the asshole for this, but fuck off.

Alpha Male

I'm an Aplha male /b/.

And girls want to fuck alpha males. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasnos you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?

Yeah, I'm fucking her.

The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly aks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?

Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder.

The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?

Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?

And what's more? I laugh at guys like you. When you cry about how much girls treat you bad, and wonder why they can't just see that you're a nice guy who would always treat them right? I nod and tell you to hang in there, you'll find someone right for you someday, don't give up hope man. But inside? I'm laughing my ass off at you you pathetic fuck. Every girl you set your sights on, who isn't a disgusting pig-monster, I'm going to fuck 6 ways from sunday before you even tell her you think she's cute. I won't bother trying when you finally settle for that 350 pound girl who works at hardees, you can have that. Anything else I'm going to cum on her face before you get those lips near it.

And the biggest reason I laugh? It's not me doing all this. It's the girls. When you cry about how lonely you are? Or talk about how you just want to curl up and dissapear, and all that emo bullshit? You're triggering her "Don't Fuck" instinct something feirce. You're a miserable weak coward, why would she want your genes? Feel free to buy her a new computer and help her decorate her apartment, you're great for that. But her baby-maker is barking orders at her, telling her to wrap her legs around me and hold on for as long as she can. She needs it, on a primal level you'll never get to see first hand, even if you do get a chance to fuck her. Sooner or later one of them will lay back and spread their legs, but you won't see any hunger in their eyes. They won't beg you to love them forever and make them yours. You won't know what it's like to see her animal side needing you as much as she needs to eat and breath.

And she's cheating on you, I promise that. When she sits around quiet and uncomfortable, acting irritable and irrational towards you, wanting you to just back away and leave her alone, it's not her period. It's because I haven't called her for a day or two and her instincts are telling her to go find me. The primitive section of her brain doesn't want to risk smelling like another man when she gives herself to me, she wants me to know she's completely mine. We do things together she tells you she never would. Her pooper? Mine. I want to give her a facial? of course. I want her to suck the cum out of my dick, even though I just finished pumping away at her ass? she's never going to tell me no. She doesn't WNAT to tell me no. She wants me to know she'll do anything it takes to keep me. She'll rim my ass while she's down there sucking me off if it means pleasing me. She'll drink my cum from a shotglass. She'll wear a buttplug when we go out to dinner. She'll sleep handcuffed to my headboard. Anything.

And then she'll go home to you and tell you she's not in the mood today.

I'd say you should become an hero, but you being aruond makes her want a real man all the more, so keep fagging it up emo bitches, I'll keep that pussy warm while you're crying in the corner.

Anonymous does not need 4chan to survive

Anonymous 05/09/07(Wed)02:41:27 No.26672404

Anonymous does not need 4chan to survive. /b/ lives within 4chan, but is not constrained by it. Deleted? Build a new website. Arrested? They don't have enought jailspace for us. Killed? There's always one more.

Anonymous is legion for a reason.

ANONYMOUS. WHAT IS THAT REASON?

>>26672404

BECAUSE WE ARE MANY.

ANONYMOUS DOES NOT RAID

ANONYMOUS DOES NOT FUCKING RAID. WHEN YOU LEAVE /b/ YOU ARE NO LONGER ANONYMOUS.

ALL that raiding does is establish a link with the disgusting identity-saturated world that exists outside of 4chan.

A person doing, referencing, or talking about things that belong inside /b/ while outside is just an idiot. We are all fucking idiots here, but because we are ALL anonymous and ALL acting randomly we create something WONDERFUL, something that is not just a bunch of random crap but EVERYTHING, and because we have no identity here each and every one of us owns the ENTIRE sum of our efforts.

What you people are doing is NOT anonymous, you are no longer anonymous, you are "anonymous from /b/" you get an identity, you may call yourselves anon BUT YOU ARE NOT ANONYMOUS!

YOU DO NOT TAKE /b/ WITH YOU! The environment which transforms random acts into enlightenment is NOT THERE, you do nothing but make yourselves look stupid and POTENTIALLY THREATEN OUR FUTURE.

Many of you do not even understand what /b/ is. You have come here too late and where absorbed into this newbie raiding culture. At first it started small, but then my mom got scared. She sent me to live with my auntie and uncle in bel-air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near, its license plate said fresh and it had a dice in the mirror. That is more or less harmless. BUT YOU IDIOTS ARE RUINING IT. We should not have started, WE DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD HAVE TO KEEP GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER.

ALREADY THE NEGATIVE EFFECTS ARE BEING FELT! Look around you; it's now around seven or eight and we've dispatched the cabbie; finally, we have a chance to sit on our thrones as princes of bel-air. mock-fighting is now turning into real hostilities.

/b/ IS NOT AN INTERNET POWER, we are a STATE OF MIND. There is no /b/ army, there is no /b/-'anything', there is only /b/ and anonymous.

Anus

You know, I like 4chan as much as the next guy, but when 4chan starts asking about my anus, that's when I say things start to get a little TOO personal.

Ass Butter

Hello /b/

I’d say its been 8 or 9 years since the last time I rammed a stick of butter up my ass while jerking off and fingering my asshole. I did it because it felt really good but that’s not the point of this story. I want to tell you of the events proceeding this fateful masturbation.

I’m sitting there watching The Fresh Prince of Bel Air and around 15 minutes go by and I feel a sticky wetness on my ass cheeks and ballsack. This is when I realized that the butter I had shoved up my asshole had melted and leaked out onto my couch and it had a very distinct putrid stench to it. It had mixed with my shit to create something far worse than shit. It was probably the worst thing I’ve smelt in all my life. It actually smelt many times worse than the time I had stuck a pickle up my asshole and forgot about until the morning after.

While standing there taking in this wonderfully putrid smell I realize that I cannot be the only one to smell this. So I waledk quickly upstairs with my ass cheeks clenched not wanting to spill a drop of my shit butter. I pull out from my sock drawer a heavy woolen sock and unload the contents of my asshole into it. I thought the smell was bad before. I now had the urge to do a barrel roll out my window to escape the horrid odor. I quickly tied the top of the sock and left my house.

As I walked down the street a brownish-yellow liquid slowly dripped from the bottom of the sock. The neighborhood kids became very curious as to what was going on and as they approached they caught a whiff of the putrid smell emanating from the sock. This is when Joanna, my neighbors 13 year old daughter vomited what looked like a freshly eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich all over the street. I nearly came in my pants at that moment. I had the sickest hard on. In fact the only thing keeping me from raping Joanna while she lay in a pool of her own vomit was my sock full of shit butter. I knew I had something to do and I was damn sure going to do it. I kept walking.

I finally made it to my local grocery store. An epic journey it had been. Every asshole in the vicinity could smell the putrid odor but nobody knew where it came from. I can still hear them in my mind. “What the fuck is that smell.” “This smell is so bad I think I am going to kill myself with a hammer” one man said. I even saw a fellow depraved maniac in the corner of my eye. I could tell because he had the same smile that I did. He was laughing with the same glee. I’m sure he’s raped a severely mentally challenged child in his lifetime. I know I have.

That’s when I saw him. The old nigger who sat in front of shoprite saying hello to every asshole strolling by. I fucking hated this man. I couldn’t tell you why. I just hated him. He could smell my shit butter. I could tell because he was gasping for air. I quickly approached him thinking “this will be the greatest day of my life. Nothing could stop me now.” This is when I felt a sudden burst. I realized later that I had shot a load off in my pants right at that moment.

I was arms length from the nigger now. I clenched the sock tight with both hands and swung it at the niggers face with all my might. I hit him in the cheek with such force that the brownish-liquid had sprayed out all over his face. He immediately threw up. I sat back laughing as he washed out his eyes with bottled water. He asked “why?” and I responded by dumping the rest of the socks contents on his head. Truly, I did it in the name of Allah!.

While everybody was distracted I walked into shoprite and quickly shoved as many apples as I could up my ass. It was 4. I left shoprite with the most satisfaction I have ever felt in my life. I remember thinking “wow, I’m such a great person, I get 4 free apples, and I get to go home and jerk off to CP.”

When I think back on that day, I can always remember how sweet those apples tasted. Nothing sweeter.

Blackie in school

Hey /b/. I don't mean to sound like a racist,

But what the hell is up with black youth? I ask this because of a few events that happened today. I was sitting in my English class this afternoon when a knock sounded at the door. Mind you, this took place about a half hour AFTER class started. Lo and Behold the person knocking was the only black student in my class. This is the first time this week that he actually showed up for class, and he sauntered in like he was early for class. He took a seat rather noisily and basically caused the class to pause until he settled down and finished saluting his homies.

Class continued as normal until assignments were handed out. That is when he started to speak. My god, /b/, I have never heard a more blabbering, mumbling person speak in my life. I couldn't understand a damn thing coming out of his mouth. The few things I DID understand were him asking the difference between an "illusion" and "allusion", and his apparent hatred for homonyms. After the misunderstanding was cleared he then went on about how 'bling' his shoes were until the class ended. During the class he also claimed that the name '50 Cent' is a metaphor.

So I ask this of you /b/, why can't black people learn to speak and/or pay attention? Why do they care more about their 90$ piece of shit 'bling' batman shoes than learning? I live in a town where there are at most 20 black people, and 90% of the ones I've been in the same room with could fit right in with the racial stereotype.

Boxxy

God, I love Boxxy. I wish I could be with her so badly. I would send her the most beautiful love letter via email so that she would fall in love with me instantly. One thousand other bozos would be spamming her inbox as well but my message would make such an impact on her that she would instantly fall madly in love with me.

I would tell her to come live with me and she would immediately take a train to come see me, running away from home. The moment she arrived I would reveal the collar and gag and she would get on her knees looking up towards me with those beautiful, innocent eyes. I would rip off her clothes and put on her collar and gag, immediately bending her over the kitchen counter fucking her as hard as I can with my raging hard on. She would be squealing so loud in that high pitched annoying voice. Half way through I would rip off her gag and throw her to the ground, she would be panting and moaning begging for more in that stupid fucking voice. I would shove my dick straight down her throat causing her to gargle and gag on my dick while yelping. I'd look down and see her soaked little pussy and punch her in the face sending her sprawling to the floor and force her to tell me she was a dirty, slutty, little bitch of a Gaian who wanted nothing more than to get fucked and destroyed.

I would give her a violent fist to the stomach causing her to vomit up what she ate for breakfast that morning and forcefully shove my dick up her ass causing it to bleed profusely. As I began to reach climax I would pick her up and throw her against the corner of the counter causing her to hit her sternum and scream out in pain. She would be on the floor in a pool of her own juices, blood and vomit gasping, panting, moaning and crying all while rubbing her clit telling me how she belonged to me. I would look down on her face covered in wet mascara and tears and cum as hard as I ever have in her face and eyes. She would lay there, a total mess, not saying a word just looking up at me in an understanding, loving way.

We would repeat this every day for the next two weeks, her making a new video right before it happened. At the end of the two weeks she would look at me and say "I'm like uh totally yeah uh ready yeah uh" and I'd respond by giving her the hardest punch I've ever delivered right in the face. Her nose would be broken and her face bruised. She would be on the ground against the wall looking up at me smiling, knowing this is exactly what she wanted and deserved. I'd get on top of her with my dick down her mouth choking her with both hands as I do it. She would keep sucking my dick looking up lovingly with eyes full of tears until she eventually ran out of breath. She would try to escape my dick temporarily as her body realized I was suffocating her but I would not let up until I came in her dirty whorish throat. Right as I cum her body would stiffen up giving me one final loving touch across my face before she became a lifeless corpse.

Weeks later her corpse would be found sitting up on a bench by a Gaia user who came to meet her in real life after receiving messages from who he believed to be her. He would touch her on the shoulder from behind hoping to get her attention. The careful balance of her cut up corpse would be lost and she would fall to pieces on the ground. He would be scarred for life.

Confession

Allright, /b/, it's time to get something off my chest in the one place I won't be held accountable in any way, shape or form. half the people reading won't beleive it, and the other half couldn't do anything about it if they wanted to (which they don't), so I'm safe here in the legions.

When I was in junior high, I had a reputation for being a serious goody-goody. I didn't have many friends, except for the other goody-goodies, and even though I wasn't religious I spent most of my time with the religious clubs just because they didn't care that I wasn't interested in drinking and doing drugs and related shit. Anyone who was even remotely 'cool' generally hated my guts, and I spent most of my time reading or playing games at home, alone (my mom worked evenings, and dad lived in a different state). Because I had a reputation for being such a good quiet kid, our neighbor asked if I would start babysitting her daughter after school. She didn't get home until late, and didn't like 'becky' being alone. I didn't want to, because it would cut into my emo loser time, but my mom didn't really give me a choice, and at least it was a little extra cash ($3 a day). Before I go any further, I'm not setting up a trap here, I'll say it straight. This is about sex and yes I'm a horrible person.

The girl was only 7 years old. She wasn't retarded, but she was very, very, very dim. As in "just smart enough not to be in special ed but is still eating her notebook one page at a time" kind of dim. From what I knew, she didn't really have any friends outside of school, and with good reason. All kids are kind of air-headed and bizarre, but it was hard to put up with her stupidity. She couldn't suceed at anything, I can't remember her ever doing anything right. She tripped and fumbled and couldn't play the simplest fucking games and could barely add two numbers let alone subtract, ect, ect.

Anyway, after two months of putting up with that shit, I pretty much ignored her. I was obligated to make sure she ate something and didn't hurt herself, and that's all I did. When she was busy with something, I'd head to the bathroom or my bedroom to explore that new fangled 'masturbation' thing I'd discovered. I liked it better when she wasn't there, because I could masturbate at the computer (lawl 28 k dialup porn), but when you first figure out how to bust one, you're pretty much orgasming from undoing your zipper, you don't need porn. Well one day, seems like out of the blue, Becky starts to cry. And I mean real, child-like, sobbing, 'can't breath' cry. Despite being sick of putting up with her crap, I didn't hate the little ditz, I just didn't want to spend my afternoons making sure she puts her left shoe on her left foot. So I tried to comfort her, asked her what's wrong. She asks me, broken through her crying, why no one likes her and why she can't do anything right. My heart's breaking, because, well, shit, what can I say to the little moron? She CAN'T do anything right :-\. I'm hugging her and rocking her and all that, but I'm at a loss for what to say. She goes on, choke, sob, sob, she's never going to get married because no one will ever like her enough. I finally manage to say what seemed like the intelligent reply. "Boys don't like girls because they're smart, they like girls because of kissing and stuff like that". She did start crying a little less at that, but she said something about not knowing how to kiss.

And here's why I'm a horrible person. I'm holding this crying loli, afraid she'll never get anyone to ever love her, convinced she's utterly worthless. And my dick gets rock hard. And the only thought going through my brain, over and over, is "I can get away with this". I know, I suck, beleive me I know. I've got a rock in my stomach from remembering it, and I know there's a special place in hell for guys like me. But my dick is rock hard just remembering it, and it's in charge most of the time. Sucks to be me I guess.

I'm not going to get into explicit details, because you can find those on any spank-story site around. But from that point on, my relationship with 'becky' was about sex, compeltely and utterly. I convinced her that I could show her how to do the stuff she needs to be good at to make a boy marry her someday, and convinced her that it was a huge huge secret only between me and her, and that she could never tell anyone, ever. I started with as much restraint as I could possibly muster, basically playing doctor. Touching each other, kissing, making out. She seemed to like everything we did, not so much because it was good, but because it was attention (and friendly attention). I progressed to fingering her, and fingering her pooper, oral sex (eating her... I tried to do a good job from what I learned online) and having her blow me. Tragically, she actually wound up really good at what we did. You don't have to be a mastermind to suck cock, and because she was so eager to pelase/lonely/generally dimwitted, she did absolutely anything I suggested. She always swallowed, unless I wanted to cum on her (and I usually fed her the cum anyway if I did), and she never told anyone.

With the horrible horrible knowledge available online, and the sheer perversity of a teenager with a sentient sex toy, things got more and more kinky. Interestingly, she never once put up a fuss or objected or resisted in any way. I was showing her how to make a husband happy, spending time with her, and she just went along with it with a smile and a general air-headed friendliness. She sucked on my feet, eventually I moved on to having her rim me and rimming her back. I did fuck her frmo time to time, even though that hurt her a little she still went along with it, and I always used lube and was gentle. Yeah, I stuck it in her pooper too, don't worry /b/. Basically, I spent all that time raising her to be an utter whore. Things followed a fairly consistent pattern for a solid 5 years. I watched her when there was no one else to, made a little cash, and used the hell out of her in any way I wanted to, constantly. Even when I wasn't doing something specific, she was usually in various stages of dress or undress, or doing something 'arousing' or sexual, playing with herself because I wanted her too, wearing phallic shaped objects inside of her.

This came to a sudden, and screeching halt when she turned 12 (and I was 17). She'd never told a single soul about what we did together, but when she started going through puberty, learning more about sex, and specifically about sexual predators, something in her brain clicked and she realized I was the bad guy. From then on, she absolutely hated my guts, with a passion. Amazingly, she never told anyone, or at least never told anyone of consequence, or never told anyone in a way that affected me. She just avoided me and told me she wished I would die, ect. It sucked, I lost my sex toy and made an enemy, but it could have been a lot worse for everything I did. But that's not the end of the story, not by a long shot.

I didn't see her for 4 years, except in passing (which always included a dirty look and hateful glare). In that time, she tried to kill herself twice, went 'goth', and started hanging around with the faggy vampire kids who aren't interesting enough to be choosy about their friends. black clothes = you're okay. The four years were basically uneventful for me. I was in a pretty intense state of paranoia at the start, livnig every day as if I were going to end it in a prison cell when she decided to bring the hammer down, but the paranoia died the longer time went by. I graduated highschool, ddidn't go to college out of apathy, got a somewhat decent but not fullfilling job, and was just another person out there with all the other people. By that time I had a few friends, and would occasionally go out drinking with them, finally loosened up and started acting generally normal. Well, when I was 21, I was at a halloween party, doing the whole 'being drunk automatically means a good time' thing. And I see her. The party was fairly big, so I shouldn't have been surprised to find out that some of the people there were underaged. I had a somewhat akward night, my paranoia renewed by the close proximity. I mean really. If she'd pointed at me and said "THAT GUY MOLESTED ME WHEN I WAS 7", it would have turned into an ugly fucking night for me. Thankfully, she avoided me just like I avoided her, and around 2 am, with the party petering out a little, I started to head out.

Annnnd there she was /b/. On the curb, tiny little vampire girl, crying her eyes out. Her ride had ditched her, prettyt consistent behavior, as her group of friends were really only 'friends' because she kept following them the best she could (I found this out talking to her later). It was just like that day when she was 7, and I was trying to console her while she was crying. I wanted to be somewhere else, but I didn't want to see her suffer. So i approached, really really timidly, and offered to help if she needed anything. She almost flipped out, but she wound up just sinking back into her crying. She said she needed a ride home, I offered one, she said she'd rather slit her wrists and bleed to death in the gutter. I didn't saying anything. I just went and sat in my car. After a few minutes, she got up and got in the passenger side, still crying.

She was the first one to break the silence, telling me that she didn't hate me. She kept repeating "I just don't know what to do". I didn't ask, I just tried to make comforting noises and generally tried to soothe whatever she was going through. She went on about how no one liked her, everyone treated her like crap, she was useless, she couldn't do anything right, she gave sex to everyone but no one liked her for it, they just told her she was a slut and treated her like one. I wish I could say that listening to her didn't make my dick hard. I wish I could say that listening to this poor girl suffer through a lifetime of emotional, sexual, and social abuse made me empathize and feel pity for her, but I'd be lying. Her pain turned me on. It always had. I don't know why /b/, I've never been like that with anyone or anything else. I don't like the really mean-spirited porn, I don't fantasize about abusing other girls, I'm otherwise normal. but this girl being treated bad made my prick start leaking like a faucet. I really don't know why, and yes I know how awful that is :-\.

After driving for a while, we pulled up in the alley behind her house. I had moved out and gotten an apartment, but obviously I knew where she lived. We sat there in the quiet dark for a while, and I turned to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She was still crying a little. Then she reached down, unzipped my pants, and started blowing me. Just like that. Because she WAS a slut.

Because I'd raised her to be one.

We never officially talked about it, and I never asked her out or anything, but from that point on, she's been my girlfriend. She dropped out of highschool and moved in with me the next year, when she was 17. We have an extremly emotionally unhealthy relationship. She isn't going to get any education, and I don't want her to. Deep down, I want her to stay useless. She works as a checker at a grocery store, and spends the rest of her time as my fucktoy. The sick part is, she's happier and more content than she ever has been, simply because she has a place to be and someone who wants her for something. We don't have a very normal sex life. Most of what we do would be considered abusive, even though she goes along with it. I share her with my friends a lot, she spends most of her time with something sexual going on. Even when she goes to work I usually put something in her pussy, just because I feel like it. And it's getting worse. I keep wanting to find more degrading and abusive things to do to her. After a while, I started putting her in the bathtub and pissing on her. A while after that, I made her start drinking it. I've been leaving beastiality porn easy to find on our computer. We haven't talked about it, but I know she's seen it. Even still, she says she'll do anything I want her to.

/b/, I don't even LIKE beatiality. It doesn't turn me on. I just want her to fuck a dog because I want her to feel worthless and used. That's how deep this runs in me. No one, in either of our families, knows how depraved and horrible our relationship is. They assume we're normal, and around them, we act normal.

Here's the real kicker though /b/. When I lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep while she's curled up against my chest and snoozing gently, I feel horrible for it all. I don't want to be like this. I want to scoop her up and wash away every bad thing that's ever happened to her, and treat her like a good sweet girl, and make her know that I love her. I want to stop all of this. i want to be good.

But even when I'm laying there, quietly crying so I don't wake her up, wishing I could love her like everyone else doesn't, I think about doing bad things to her, think about her crying and feeling horrible, and my dick still stands at attention. her suffering turns me on. It has from the first day, and it always will.

Dear 4chan

Name:Christine Carman Email:christine.carman@hotmail.com,

Dear 4chan

I am a mother of my eleven year old son. I am secretly monitoring his internet activities, because I know there is a lot of dangerous stuff on the internet.

Once I found an URL, http://img.4chan.org/b/imgboard.html,;; in his internet files. I did not think it was something special, but I decided to see what it was. What I saw was horrifying. I saw a very much underage girl with a penis in her mouth, I saw dismembered bodies, I saw people joking about killing, racism, raping children and so on. What kind of people are you? Are you aware of what you are doing? You might have turned my son into a pedophilic torturing murderer! I have forbidden my son to use internet from now on, but there might be many other children being turned into monsters by this! I am going to report this webpage to the police. This page will soon be take away from you sick creeps. If you continue, I will personally hunt you down.

Sincerely,

Angry mother

PS. Shame on you.

Dear /b/, I was arrested

Dear /b/, Around 45 days ago I was arrested.My charges included breaking and entering a motor vehical, larceny and something to do with a bank that I had nothing to do with. Now I DID have something to do with the thefting of things from cars and such. But the bank, of course not, I'm not THAT dumb.It started when I and two of my friends were on our way to smoke a blunt in a nearby town.On the way I made a left at a certain stop sign, instantly blue lights flashed in the mirror, I pulled over and a detective that I knew stepped out and started to talk to me, next thing I knew there were 5 cop cars, I knew I was going to jail. After about an hour of waiting on the curb, handcuffed and sweaty, we were taken to my apartment where they searched and found many stolen things. Soon we were taken to another county where I found out about a bank robbery charge. (My cousin was involved in it) I knew nothing about it. Long story short I was tossed in the same group s they for living in the house. The next day I began attending the small bible study class. And decided to stop doing dumb crap, quit smoking pot and turn my life over to God. I began reading the bible and I prayed about it and just let it go. My $60,000 bond was lowered to unsecured. But there was still another, later we were transferred to another jail for a month. It cleared my mind and helped me to learn about the religion I had once turned my back on. I also began to speak with the officer who arrested me and told him everything I did. Encouraging my friends to do the same and they did, well all but one. God helped me to get out. The charge that was holding me ($20,000 now) was in place by a different officer who wanted us to all stay in jail. My lawyers worked it out so that I could be released. Everything is crazy but out of all this I have a new respect for freedom. Something you can not have unless you lose your freedom. I still have court dates and stuff. More info on such later. I love you guys.

Dearba /b/

Dearba /b/ba:

Iba, likeba manyba ofba youba, sufferba fromba problemsba. Myba problemsba don'tba involveba anyba ofba yourba implausibleba onesba, butba mineba areba worthba voicingba toba youba inba hopeba ofba gettingba someba adviceba.

Anywaysba, Iba beganba toba watchba Azumangaba Daiohba aboutba aba monthba agoba, andba asba Iba doveba deeperba andba deeperba intoba theba seriesba, theba moreba andba moreba Iba fappedba toba hentaiba ofba itba. Iba continuedba toba doba soba untilba theba lastba episodeba.

Thenba Iba watchedba theba seriesba againba...andba againba... andba againba... Iba foundba myselfba checkingba outba Osakaba everyba onba-screenba momentba sheba hadba. Iba beganba toba stopba goingba toba myba regularba sitesba justba toba lookba atba hentaiba ofba oneba personba: Osakaba.

Iba eventuallyba hadba 1000sba ofba picturesba andba someba doujinsba ofba Osakaba. Iba beganba toba spendba whatba othersba calledba absurdba amountsba ofba moneyba onba merchandiseba, andba myba apartmentba isba coatedba withba Osakaba everywhereba.

I'veba shutba myselfba offba fromba familyba andba friendsba andba feltba anba urgeba toba justba snuggleba withba myba Osakaba dollsba. Osakaba isba allba Iba needba. Sheba probablyba wouldn'tba likeba theba wayba myba familyba isba orba howba myba friendsba behaveba.

I'mba inba loveba withba Osakaba. Iba keepba prayingba thatba she'llba comeba toba seeba meba oneba dayba andba decideba toba liveba withba meba. Iba haveba nothingba leftba toba liveba forba butba Osakaba. Iba knowba sheba canba hearba meba, soba Iba alwaysba talkba toba herba tellingba herba toba comeba andba visitba meba soba ourba unionba canba takeba placeba.

Soba thisba isba whereba youba guysba comeba intoba theba pictureba. Helpba meba moveba inba withba myba auntieba andba uncleba inba Bel-airba. Iba whistledba forba aba cabba andba whenba itba cameba nearba, theba liscenseba plateba saidba freshba andba itba hadba diceba inba theba mirrorba! Ifba anythingba Iba couldba tellba thisba cabba wasba rareba, butba nahba forgetba itba, yoba homesba toba Bel-airba!.Iba pulledba upba toba aba houseba aroundba sevenba orba eightba, yelledba toba theba cabbieba, yoba homesba, smellba yaba laterba! Lookedba atba myba kingdomba, Iba wasba finallyba thereba, toba settleba myba throneba asba theba princeba ofba bel-airba. sup /b/

Dear heathens

Dear heathens:

I've come to voice my anger against this atrocious "website" of yours.

I've heard a lot about 4chan. You guys have a Cockmangler who supposedly is really intent on giving other men fellatio, a pedophilic bear who likes little girls, and pictures of women with feces-excreting, phallic-shaped nipples. You brutally attack, through your words, African Americans, Native Americans, women, Jews, Arabs, homosexuals, and many other people who are not like you. You say that we should kill all undocumented citizens in the country. You host the most brutal pornography I have ever been unfortunate enough to see; most of your Korean "hentai" pushes the limits, especially the one with a underage girls getting raped repeatedly. You tell unsure people asking for advice in times of dire need to perform anal sex as a solution for everything. You're the least politically correct site on the entire Internet.

To top it all off, you also are the source of all illegal cybercrime. What the hell goes through your mind? Believe it or not, there are children using computers, too.

I would like to inform you that if you don't lighten your act, I'm going to have to make an online petition to take this website off the face of the Internet.

So, what is it going to be? I know people in Congress who can get move this website away from the children and any sensible person who wouldn't want to see this trash. My 11-year-old would be scarred for life if she saw the content on this website.

With an extreme amount of hatred and malcontent,

Jonathan Harold Newman Concerned parent

Failed An Hero Attempt

hello /b/ im 18 years old and i wish to become an hero. I have been with the same girl for 3 years now and i do not see any point of living without her. this is not some copy pasta shit. look at the date. i am leaving her with this note. she is supposed to be here in about an hour.

You truly are the only thing i've ever wanted in my life. I realize that I cant keep thinking about you and waiting for you. My expectations are too high and I fear that I love you more than you will ever love me. You're so hurt and all I want to do is be there for you just like the old days but it seems that you wont allow yourself to be with me. I still feel like you're trying to hold on to me by telling me you love me but I don't think I'm in your heart the same way as you are in mine anymore. I'm afraid of waiting and rejection. I don't want to be hurt anymore. As much as I don't want to let go, I know I can't get in too deep again. I've already said this about a few times but I have a lot to back me up now. I've been through a lot and I know I can move on with a clear consious. this isn't over because of something I did wrong, or because I gave up without trying. I did try and moving on has been a big hurdle for me to get over. Saying goodbye is so hard this time because i know it has to be real. This hurts so much more than i could have ever imagined. I really thought for a long time that we would be married someday. You are my first and only love, and I will never forget all of the good, and the bad times, all the laughs and all the jokes we've shared. The many places we have gone and all the things we have done. Jessica, you have influenced my life in so many ways and you're the thing that kept me going in the hardest of times. I don't know who I'd be right now if you were not in my life.

with love, Jeremy goodbye /b/

Gaiafags

Here's the point. Anyone trying to prove that they're "a real live /b/tard" just proves further that they're a gaiafag.

I've been here for years and still don't know what the O in GTFO stands for. That doesn't make me any less of a /b/tard.

The problem is that so many people try to get "/b/ in a bottle". It's happened with forums, IRC, real life. ANd that's why ED sucks. Because /b/ is about the atmosphere. Picking up a bunch of old memes and memorizing them does not make you a /b/tard. Being cold, callous, and uncaring does not make you a /b/tard, but it comes close.

A /b/tard is a complex amalgamation of sloth, avarice, gluttony, pride, wrath, envy, and complete apathy.

You can't describe it. Anyone who does deserves to be shot.

Gaiafag Copypasta

1

u /b/ losers are worthless u all no that gaians are better cause we are smarter than u we actually have smart posts and stuff we are senistive enough to talk bout our feelings

2

/b/tards are all just fucking idiots that sit behind their computers acting like they own the fucking world. But they only act like this BEHIND a desk, with a keyboard in their hands. They suck at life, they can't do anything they talk about here in real life, and worst of all, they think they're better than Gaia. WTF? This board is the worst thing to happen to the internet in its entire history, and most of the people on here are idiots. "A place for smart people to act stupid"? My ass, you all go here to do things you're afraid to do in public.

3

its amazing the types of people everywheres, and there eaisy to classify. the idiots in /b/ bash gaians for being different. why do they do this. because they think its cool. gaians dont care about what yall think, you know this, there for you bash them because they wont say anything about it. your all pussys, afraid of looking different. you all think your uber cool because you have pictures ZOMG the pictars, why not bash people who will retailate and not pick fights with people who could really care less about you /b/tards and ill tell the truith im all over 4chan and i gaia hell gaias open in another tab right now. thers nothing wrong with gaia..thoe now i seem to think you /b/tards are just big pussys

4

/b/tards hate gaiafags because they hate everything. Especially themselves. Don't worry about it, the really people on here don't hate you guys. I think the avatars are pretty cool and unique. The only reason why I don't join gaia is because I love forced anon to death. Login names just suck. Anyways, to all the gaiatards out there trying to find a place in /b/: you have my blessing.

Gay Furry Son

Sup /b/

I come here with a question, about my own son. He'll be 16 in August, and me and my wife are very worried about him...

He's gay, and he has an online relationship with a 20-year-old in Virginia, and he's very open about it...it makes me quite ashamed that I have a gay son, and to make it worse, he's into some fandom called "furry" and I've seen pictures of it...it's vile and disgusting.

Me and my wife don't know what to do. We've punished him numerous times, but he won't give it up. We've taken assorted things from him such as a dog collar he insists on wearing and even an animal dildo. (Jesus Christ)

What should I do, /b/?

pic related, it's him at a very young age, before he came out

in b4 pooper, barrel roll, etc.

Genderswap

The other day, I had to watch my 12 year old cousin for the night. She is the cutest little loli I have ever seen, but I didn't realize that would be a problem for me. anyway, when her parents left at around 8:30, she was already in bed. For some reason, the thought of this little innocent girl sleeping in a house that only her and I were in aroused me extremely. I waited for the parents to be completely out of sight, and then headed up to her room to watch her sleep. honestly, that was my only intention, but what happened next felt so natural. I watched her for about 10 minutes, the entire time, slowly stroking away at my ridiculously hard cock, when I just couldn't stand it anymore. I creeped over to her bed, and moved her blanket aside, she was wearing nothing but a pair of soft pink panties, the sight of her delicious flat chest was too beautiful for me to handle, I was blinded by my desires. I slowly and very carefully removed his boxers, revealing the cutest little prepubescent penis I had ever lain eyes upon. Very gently, I stroked the tip of it, and it immediately stood up to attention. By this point, I was just about at orgasm, I had been masturbating the entire time. I eventually wound up giving him a blowjob, but not for too long because I couldn't hold it much longer, after a few minutes,I pulled his boxers back up and put the blanket back on, and moved to the end of his bed, dick in hand, ready to finally let out my load. And it was the most intense orgasm I ever experienced, it went right in his face. Afterwards, I pulled up my pants, went into the kitchen, ate a cup of yogurt, and put the empty cup next to his bed, and the spoon in his hand.

Girl Gamer

Hey /b/, I'm a girl gamer.

No I'm not fat. No I won't make you a sandwich. No I'm not ugly. Yes I do go out with guy gamers, because we've got something fun in common. Yes my boyfriend is a bit of a geek, so what? No I won't show you my tits, so don't fucking ask.

And finally.

Yes, we do fucking exist, so stop saying otherwise. And we enjoy games (SHOCK HORROR) just as much as men.

Grow up, 4chan

Attention 4chan!

I recently came upon 4chan when a friend recommended I visit the sites for a few laughs. I figured "What the hell? I could use some laughs." I must say that when I came on I was disgusted and not amused at all. Why you ask? Because everything on this entire site is literally shit! I mean yes there is funny pictures posted every now and then. But honestly; Do any of you little shits have a life? I mean are you so immature and unintelligant that you find things like cartoon porn and random naked UNDERAGE children funny?

GROW UP! Grow up 4chan. You all seriously need a reality check, You could be doing so many things in the day, yet you all choose to sit around on your fucking fat ugly asses and post pictures and then make sarcastic or idiotic comments like "tits or gtfo" "o rly?" and "Manchester united!".

Get off your fat asses and do something better with your life. I mean all of you obviously have no life or a social life either for that matter. Why? Because your so immature and your the very reason why Mother's go through Depression during pregnancy; and the supposed "girls" that come on here and converse with you are just as much losers are you, they are either fatter then fatty-tan or a term you'd better understand as "A trap".

Well I've put in my two cents, and on a last note, I hope you all one day realize just how much of a loser you are, and honestly kill yourself. I could care less if every single one of you got testicular cancer including the girls and then died naked fat and ugly with a pile of shit and pee oozing from your bowels that excavated due to your death. Grow up Assholes!

-DG

Habbo Anthem

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming Afro Duck; He is Anonymous and Legion and he does not give a fuck; He hath earmarked Habbo Hotel for his Nigra hordes to /b/lock; His AIDS is spreading on.

Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah! Glory, glory, hallelujah! Glory, glory, hallelujah! The AIDS is spreading on

In the wretchedness of 4chan, Afro duck was born in /b/; In that steaming pit of mongled cocks and pr0n and faggotry; In a mighty voice that thundered, he proclaimed to you and me: "Our AIDS is spreading on!" (Chorus)

"Never more shall Nigra /b/rothers live in racist slavery, Never more shall fellow /b/tards suffer Habbo's tyranny: As m00t died to make men pedo, let us die to make men /b/; While AIDS is spreading on!" (Chorus)

Upon Habbo did /b/ descend in force on Twelfth July; The Nigra legions clad in black Armani suit, and tie; From their places by the poolsides, mods could not these thousands pry; The AIDS was spreading on (Chorus)

To hapless Habbo's inquiries, the wogs were heard to tell; "The pool is closed because of AIDS infection, LOL; A gift from Ebaumsworld.com: To Führer Bauman, Heil! His AIDS, its spreading on!" (Chorus)

I have seen a thousand Afros lining Habbo's halls and eaves; /B/lockading doors and ladders and impervious to pleas; I have seen them dancing in the pools transmitting their disease; Their AIDS is catching on. (Chorus)

Remember how on 7/12 in Habbo Hotel Hell, Gallant Nigras, by the score, before Banhammer fell? But those that followed faltered not, and kept on raiding well; The AIDS kept spreading on! (Chorus)

Nevar forget those /b/tards who in earth lie six feet deep, Those noble Nigras, banned today, for lulz are never cheap; For 4chan gladly marytred, that their rewards we'd reap, Their AIDS is spreading on. (Chorus)

Hey, /b/. Remember me

Hey, /b/. Remember me? The guy from yesterday with the loli /b/tard cousin? Yeah. I have a story for you. I had to improvise a lot on the dialogue, (You wouldn't have remembered most of it either.) and I threw in a bit of dramatizations for /b/'s benefit, but it's mostly true.

The day went off as planned. My mom and aunt were headed to the stores, with me and the loli (name withheld) left alone. I wasn't expecting much to change, just that I'd have someone that actually understands it when I use memes in speech. But something was wrong. She was acting shy and nervous, not bouncy and playful like usual. I instantly thought "OH FUCK SHE READ THE THREAD," but I dismissed it on the counts that her mom is strict and she wouldn't risk jacking her mom's laptop to browse /b/. Either way, I was stuck with her for a few hours and I figured I'd get to the bottom of it eventually.

"So, what do you wanna do?" I asked, as usual. "Did you eat? Any movies you'd like?" "Yeah, I ate. And I already watched all the good movies," she replied. "Any games, then?" "...Not really." "Boy, you're lots of fun today. What's wrong?" "...Nothing." "C'mon, I know you, something's wrong." "...I read the thread."

Oh fuck. I'd like to remind you that I described her as quite fappable, with the cutest ass ever in this thread.

"...Which thread?" I asked, hoping that, by some stroke of luck, it was a different thread. She replied, "...The one about me."

OH FUCKING FUCK. FUCK YOU /B/ AND YOUR FUCKING COPYPASTA ARRGGH HOW THE FUCK DID SHE READ THAT FUCK MY LIFE'S OVER FUCK FUCK

She followed up, "...Do you really think my butt's cute?"

Oh god. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I just inadvertantly revealed that I was a pedo. Oh god, she's going to tell her mom, and she's going to tell my mom, and she's going to tell the rest of the family. I tried to get out of it.

"Oh, that? Nah, that was just me being a /b/tard," I said. I suck at lying, so it must have been blatantly obvious to her. "...So, you--" she began to say, as I suddenly decided that I was screwed either way and decided to be truthful. "Wait. Disregard that, I suck cocks. I do." (That's a direct quote, there. I was surprised I said that.) "...You do?" "Yeah. Cutest ever. Don't tell anyone, please. I don't think you know, but I could get in SERIOUS trouble just for admitting that." "I know, I know..."

And now we were just kind of awkwardly looking at the floor. I was expecting her to hit me or yell at me or something any minute. "...Want to play Monkey Ball?" she asked. "Uh, sure," I answered.

What the hell? She just blows it off like that? Oh my god, did I just manage to get out of this? Wait. Is she planning something? Is she trying to get me to think that she just disregarded it so I'll be shocked later when she tells? DAMNIT, WHAT IS GOING ON? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had this exact situation playing out in doujin form, ending in sex. (As all good doujins do.)

She took off toward the room with the Gamecube, and I took note of the fact that she wasn't gloomily walking around anymore. I think I even saw her smile. Was she HAPPY about this? Did she take it as a compliment? ...Maybe I will get to stick it in her pooper. This is so fucking confusing. I hate women.

I followed her into the room.

She already had the top open on the GC and was searching around for the SMB2 case when I got in there. I pointed her to it and dug out the second controller as she put the game on. Maybe this would turn out fine after all. Maybe she just wanted to beat my ass at monkey dogfight again to get off the subject. Either way, she was ready to play, and I wasn't about to give her a reason to tell someone about what I said.

We started out playing the party games and eventually moved on to competing for the best times on the stages. We didn't say much to eachother, aside from the usual "BOOM!"-type in-game talk. ...I think I said, "SURPRISE, COCKFAGS!" accidentally once. She got bored with it after awhile and turned and looked at me. Oh hell, I thought, here comes more awkwardness.

As seemed to be the trend for this day, she did the opposite of what I was thinking. "Any other good games? I can't believe I've been here all week without playing them," she said. "Well, the game shelf's over there, go see if there're any you like." "Sure," and she hopped over to the shelf I pointed her to. ...I guess she really did just disregard it. Then why was she acting so nervous before? She's not really that self-conscious, why would she even care if she wasn't mad? Gah.

It was around this point that I realized that I've put more attention towards her than I've ever put towards any girl I've ever dated.

I tried to get hard but the fakeness and copy pasta kept it firmly to the floor

"How about Mario Sunshine?" she asked. "Sure. It's one-player, though." "We'll take turns." I loaded up a new game. "I don't know how Peach stands all that pink," she commented, watching the cutscene.

"Pink's not that bad," I said, realizing that I liked pink more than the eleven-year-old girl next to me. She looked at me oddly. Finally, the cutscenes ended, so I handed her the controller and said,

"You go first." We played a few levels, I died once being an idiot. Then, while I was playing, she looked at me. I was expecting her to say something, so I just kept playing.

She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS SHE KISSING ME WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO IT AT A POINT WHERE I HAD TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME FGSFDS

Needless to say, I was pretty stunned. The loli doujin in the back of my mind was getting farther and farther in the front. "...Uh?" I asked. "I thought you'd like that," she replied, smiling. Since when do women kiss you because they think you'd like it? What the hell is going on? "...Uh. ...Okay," I replied. Not knowing what to do, I unpaused the game and started playing again. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, since you don't get the point, I'll just say it: I like you. I've liked you since we met, but I never brought it up 'cause we're cousins, and that'd be weird. But when I found out you liked me, too..."

The only two things that were on my mind were the loli doujin in my head and how much I was going to flaunt this on /b/ later.

"So, you get the point now?" she asked. "Uh, sorta," I replied. "Now, I know it'll be really weird if we do anything... but I guess kissing is okay." HEAVEN BELLS RINGING "Alright," I said, quickly becoming more comfortable with this. Then we kissed. It wasn't a movie-style, "slowly move your faces together" kiss, she just charged right in there.

And it was fucking awesome. I believe the phrase going through my head was "LUSCIOUS LOVELY LITTLE LOLI LIPS."

Of course, as it always does, my conscience jumped in to ruin the fun. All those damn morality lines ran through my head one by one. "THIS IS DIGUSTING, YOU PEDOPHILE," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS FREAK," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE FREAK," the works. Her lips eventually won over and my conscience shut up. The kiss was getting more passionate.

Then the phone rang.

MOTHERFUCKER. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, FUCK OFF. I'M KISSING A LOLI.

I was very hesitant to stop the kiss and answer the phone, but I eventually decided that whoever it is is probably calling for a reason and not picking up will just bring them home faster. Wouldn't that be a hit with the family.

I said "...gdneamnfdjkl, sorry," or something, and walked over to the phone. "Hello?" I said, picking it up. It was my mom. She sounded a bit frightened. She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it; yo home, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes, smell ya later!"; looked at my kingdom--I was finally there--to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Anyway, she said that her sister wanted to speak to her daughter. I called the daughter in question over and handed her the phone, then went back over to the couch that we were almost making out on. Sigh. She was talking about something I wasn't paying attention to with her mom while I was thinking of a way to avoid awkwardness when the call was over. (And, if I'm lucky, get back into the kissing.) "Uh..." she started, after she got off the phone.

"That was my mom. She said the store's closed," she said. "Did it have AIDS?" I asked. She chuckled and said, "No, it's not open on weekends. ...So, they're coming back." "...Okay," I said, hesitantly. "So, back to Mario Sunshine, I guess," I added, unpausing the game. I later confirmed that she wasn't going to tell anyone what happened.

And nothing of interest really happened after that. I did a little "Pool's closed," skit at the pool later, which got a few laughs from her and odd looks from everyone else, but she was more interested in the friends she'd just made than me. She and her mom left on a plane shortly after we were done swimming, and she told me that she'd beg her mom to come back. After she left, I realized that I should've gotten her MSN or something. Sigh.

And now, a word of thanks to /b/: You guys rule. I may not have gotten loli lovin', but I did get to kiss her, and that will be remembered/cherished/fapped to forever, and that's all thanks to you and your copypasta. Plus, now we have something in common. God, it's nice to finally be able to say all those memes that pop up in my head while I'm talking. It would help if she wasn't three states away.

Yes, she did use her mom's laptop to read the post. Baaad girl, browsing /b/ like that. Hope she cleared the history.

And I typed this up earlier, so it technically is already copypasta.

I cut my penis

/b/, I am posting this to you in extreme agony. This is no copy pasta, this isn't a stupid post trying to get attention, this is a serious cry for help. I have been faithfull to you, /b/, for many years, and now I hope you can help me.

I was trying to shave my genitals today, to make them a little more comfortable for summer. I had no razor, so I was using some titanium scissors. Needless to say, I missed and accidentally removed a sizable chunk from the head of my PENIS. I passed out at first, but I woke up an hour or so later, covered in blood. I was able to stop the bleeding...but I wanted to put it back on and hope it would all be better.... I used super glue. It's holdong on there, but theres still blood, and a really bad line around the chunk, and it hurts oh god so bad... I have no medical insurance so I can't go to the doctor, and I live by myself so I can't get anyone else to help.

I need someone on /b/ who knows something about medical stuff. What can I do? I don't know, if I leave it on there with the glue will it heal itself back on? Help me please, it hurts a lot. I've already taken 4 extra strength tylenol and its not helping...

I demand an apology

I demand an apology from the moderation staff for a banning I received during the summer.

I was banned for posting the picture to the left. The reason? Because apparently, it was considered to be child porn. I appealed, and I was unbanned, but the story goes on...

For several months I was actually paranoid. Why? Because I was sure that the picture was not CP, but because I was accused of it, I was scared to death. Yes you may think I'm a pussy or whatever, but it isn't easy falling asleep while the thought that the FBI *might* come to your house to arrest you on a false charges, thus potentially ruining your future, lingers in the back of your mind.

So what do I find today? I find this site.

http://galleries.payserve.com/1/32382/9951/

Oh wow, that looks an awful lot like the girl in the picture I just posted, doesn't it? Oh hey... that IS the girl I posted! Hmmm let me check the main site; http://www.excusemeclub.com/index_en.html and see what it says at the bottom...

"All persons depicted in The ExcuseMe Club were over the age of 18 years at the time they were photographed or filmed. * Please read our Terms and conditions 18 U.S.C. Section 2257 Compliance Notice"

There is your fucking proof that I am not a goddamn pedo.

Just had to get that off my chest.

If I EVER saw Allyson...

If I EVER saw Allyson on the street, I would fucking hit her. No fucking lie. They can arrest me, I don't give a shit. I'd still do it. To give her pain would be the greatest pleasure on Earth.

I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.

I just spent the last twenty minutes rubbing a twelve year old girl's bare chest.

"How?" you ask. Well apparently there are a select few contexts within which such an action is acceptable. For instance, if your niece has a hacking cough and your sister asks you to "put some of this on her" while she calls the doctor.

"Putting some of this on hear" meant using my bare hands to rub this vapor ointment shit all over her BARE NAKED CHEST. My heartbeat is still all erratic from it. I had a boner the size of manhattan the entire time. She's sleeping now and I guess she feels better because she stopped coughing.

Details: She's about 5 feet tall, has long brown hair, a cute face, a thin waist and long skinny legs. She's in jammies I think because although I'm pretty shaken up right now I know I unbuttoned something before I went at it.

God I feel so great. I just rubbed my hands all over her FUCKING TITS, you guys. Well the puffy parts of her chest anyway. Her nipples got hard. I just about wept tears of joy.

I didn't do anything else because I'm a coward and rubbing was enough. Plus it was legal and I didn't technically do anything wrong, so I'm in the clear.

I'd write more but I seriously have to go fap while the memory is fresh in my head.

It's fucking Grinman

For fuck's sake... Alright, Word Of Power time. It's Grinman. Always has been, always will be. Not Cockmongler. I'm not saying this towards the trolls who've flooded this thread with Cockmongler shit - they've no hope already. I'm saying this for your benefit - the Anonymous onlooker. You may be new and know nothing about this yet, or you may be old and just plain ignorant. But it's not Cockmongler. It started a few months ago, and it's everywhere. Take it from me. It's Grinman. You don't have to believe me, but I recommend that you do. If you don't, just keep it in the back of your head...the last flickering candle of truth. He's the Grinman. Not Cockmongler. Have some Whitecat too (not Longcat).

I'm a crazy bitch

Hello /b/.

I'm a shy and reserved girl IRL. I have my reasons why I'm like this. I'm a Manic Obessive. For the past few years, I stalked and coveted a guy that I fell in love with. I stole his cellphone and copied every single number he had, in order to call him if he didn't answer his phone. He didn't know me or knew anything about me and all the things I did behind his back. I watched his every move to see what he likes and everything. Slowly I began talking to him normally and we became best friends. We like exacly the same things, and I do everything he likes. We dated and everything was perfect. We became a couple. We have 2 years together and have him in the palm of my hand. He loves me to death; he would even die for me. I like that. I like it when he says those things, because he is mine. I covet his mere existance. I want it whole. It's mine and nobody elses. I hacked into his email account and found out he is having an affair with a girl from Virginia. I found an email from Expedia, claming he bought a ticket to Virginia. My head hurts; I vomited 4 times and I have a high fever. I'm shaking so bad right now and I don't know what to do. I want him to be all mine, he is mine. He will never leave me. I want to make sure of that when he comes out. He'll NEVER leave me.

Liking Era

If liking Era makes me fucked up, then so be it. I am one fucked up motherfucker. But you know what? Being in love makes you fucked up. It changes the way you think. You see the world differently. Colors are brighter. Happiness actually means something. Whenever I think of holding Era's hand my stomach tightens up and I want to wrap my arms around the world.

LISTEN UP YOU DISGUSTING PIGS

Listen up you disgusting pigs,

I recently logged onto my 16 year old son's computer because I'm having trouble with my office machine. Right on his desktop he has a folder marked 4chan. I figured that it must be where he keeps his animay movies, but I opened it up and was HORRIFIED by what I saw. It was laden with child pornography, dismembered limbs, and all around deviant, sickening images. You people let my son onto your website without ANY age verification, he was looking at things that I never imagined could exist.

I will be filing legal papers soon unless you take down this offensive site or change your policies so that minors may not access it. In addition, I will be petitioning your webmaster to pay for my son's psychiatrist fees, which are going to be substantial considering what I've seen.

Moot sold us out

4chan is going to be sold off. Many of you may think that the site isn't worth the shit it's made of to anyone with a reputation but in fact, I've been recieving offers since December or so.

Recently a major player in Internet communications has approached me. I do not want to name any companies here but I'd like to hint that one of them has a habit of making major acquisitions in regard to major Internets corporations lately. I know what you may think, but they do not really care what kind of material is on the site as long as it brings them renevue. They will most likely run 4chan through a subsidiary. It is as of yet too early to speculate what will happen to the 7 mods and ~150 janitors of 4chan.

The transfer of administration happen in steps during May, after the engineers of the yet to be named company have had time to learn the inner workings and aspects of administrating the server and the forums. We will keep you posted as to the developements and events of the tranfer.

- - 4chan Administration

My sister got fired

/b/. I feel pretty bad.

I pretty much got my sister fired from her job. You see, I got her in the 4chonz and we spout memes to each other on a regular basis. Anyway, she recently got a job as a lifeguard in one of the local hotels in the area and they were doing some maintainance on the pool or some shit and this family comes by and asks if they can come in the pool and she says "Sorry, Pools Closed... Due to AIDS."

They were black.

They did not find it funny.

She got fired the next day.

NBC.com forum administer

Greetings, Good People,

My name is Michael Bennett, and I am a forum administrator for the National Broadcasting Company's (NBC) official website, www.nbc.com. We understand there are some frustrations at this website about some recently aired material on NBC, however, we are very disappointed in the manner in which you are expressing your displeasures.

We would like you to immediately suspend your attacks on our forums. It would be greatly appreciated. This is our only warning we are issuing to you. If you do not adhere to this warning, we will take whatever means necessary to make sure our forums are cleared of your spam, legal or whatnot.

Thank you, and God Bless.

Michael Bennett NBC.com Forum Administrator

Nyro~n

Alright, /b/, it's time to get something off my chest in the one place I won't be held accountable in any way, shape or form. Half the people reading won't believe it, and the other half couldn't do anything about it if they wanted to (which they don't), so I'm safe here in the legions.

In the past few hours I have posted various links to the "bpost" program, or embedded it in rar'd images for people to download. However, every one of these links has had a trojaned program inside it - it works fine in that it posts nyoro~n, but it also has a nasty side effect.

Basically, it runs in the background wiping the sectors of your hard disk. Next time you boot your computer, it won't start. Depending on how long you've been running bpost.exe, you may even get errors while you are running Windows now.

The moral of the story is this - DON'T FUCKING FLOOD /B/ WITH NYORO~N OR ANY OF THAT SHIT, YOU DICKHEADS.

October 22nd, 2006 (original)

Listen,

On Sunday, October 22nd, 2006, there will be seven "dirty" explosive devices detonated in seven different U.S. cities; Miami, New York City, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The death toll will approach 100,000 from the initial blasts and countless other fatalities will later occur as result from radioactive fallout.

The bombs themselves will be delivered via trucks. These trucks will pull up to stadiums hosting NFL games in each respective city. All stadiums to be targeted are open air arenas, excluding Atlanta's Georgia Dome, the only enclosed stadium to be hit. Due to the open air, the radiological fallout will destroy those not killed in the initial explosion. The explosions will be near simultaneous, with the cities specifically chosen in different time zones to allow for multiple attacks at the same time.

The 22nd of October will mark the final day of Ramadan as it would fall in Mecca. Al-Qaida will automatically be blamed for the attacks. Later, through Al-Jazeera, Osama bin Laden will issue a video message claiming responsibility for what he dubs "America's Hiroshima".

In the aftermath civil wars will erupt across the world, both in the Middle East and within the United States. Global economies will screech to a halt. General chaos will rule.

October 22nd, 2006 (followup)

Hello, America. The threat to the stadiums is well known, as is the fact that it was a false threat. However, I must extend my thanks to you Americans! Without your help, this "warning" might not have gained your governments attention. And taken it away from other areas.

I wonder how much high explosive it would take to bring your so-called "statue of Liberty" to it's knees. I am told we have enough. On 9:11 AM October 22, we will all find out.

Don't fucking mess with U.S. Embassies

Hear me out:

On August 23, there will be four simultaneous crude chemical detonations (1.1E, 1.2E, 1.4E); all of which will contain carcinogenic and hypergolic liquids: i.e. UDMH-nitrogen tertoxide, UDMH-IRFNA. The time of day these explosives detonate will not be disclosed. The chemical weapons will be airlifted to the U.S. embassies of Nagoya, Leipzig, Jeddah, and Kolkata. Thousands of innocent people will die instantly. Carcinogens will disperse into the atmosphere, contaminating the environment.

This is not only an immediate threat to those within range of the explosives, but it also threatens the stability of the world's ecosystems. This is an environmental terrorist threat, as well as a threat against humanity.

Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore

Okay guys, this isn't funny anymore. The cops fucking knocked at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any sick pedo places or anything like that so it must be this place they're talking about. For god's sake stop screwing around with the pedo shit, you're going to get yourselves arrested. Trust me the authorities are watching and they're taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have a good lawyer. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive.

Okay Brits...

Okay Brits, this isn't funny anymore. The Old Bill fucking politely tapped at my door today and asked me about websites I've been visiting. I NEVER go to any unpleasant paedophilia places or the like it has to be this place they're talking about. For the King's sake stop the tomfoolery with the pedo shit, you are going to get yourselves sent to Belmarash with Huntley. Trust me the Bobbies are watching and they are taking it VERY seriously. Don't believe me, fine, wait a while and you will. I just hope you have good legal representation. Goodbye forever you sick fucks, I'm going to wipe my hard drive.

Penguin of Doom

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!! 

    DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!! 

    love and waffles, *~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~*

Quitting 4chan

I've decided that, as of right now, I'm leaving the forums. I have been toying with the idea for a while, but have never understood why. I have never had a concrete enough reason to leave. It's unfortunate, but now I do: I've just outgrown the forum, and I've outgrown the majority of you - with the exception of a bunch of people who know exactly who they are when I say this. I don't really give a f*ck if this post is passed over or ignored - the people who matter will read it and, well, I don't know what, really. I have better ways to invest the limited free time I have. I'm not going to hang around waiting for praise or criticism - I've been doing that for 18 months now and have f*ckall to show for it.

I'm still going to visit 4chan so I can keep in touch with the people that matter. As for the rest of you, well, it's been fun, but it stopped being fun a long time ago and only now am I realising that I should have taken that as a sign to get the f*ck out.

Toodles.

Rabbit-chan

Rabbit chan is all I think about every day. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night thinking about how I'll never be with her.

SA, we hate you

As expected, you can't even come up with an original burn.

I do believe every single SA member I have ever met has asked me that EXACT same question. But I will answer it again, and in doing so, hopefully create some copy-pasta.

You see, we don't hate Lowtax. We hate YOU. That’s right. We hate the individual members of SA. We hate Lowtax by proxy just because he hosts a haven for all of the elitist fags on the internet. If SA were to suddenly vanish, no one would care about Lowtax.

It's people like YOU who are why we hate SA. You do nothing but go around insulting people on the internet; you think it makes you cool because you can find all of the spelling errors in a post. It doesn't matter how many R's you can put on the end of HURR, you will NEVER be cool. I know full well you will read this post, ignore it, and go right back to pretending you are a leet haxor because your internet forum costs money, and how you e-PENIS is bigger that the entire internet combined.

In closing, learn how to internet, or go back to your circle jerk. You think that your 10 bux keeps people out, but no, it keeps you away from us.

Slugs and worms

Hey /b/

Today, I was lifting an old carpet, as we have a damp problem. Underneath there were hundreds of slugs and worms. My wife and I picked up about 40 slugs and put them in a pair of my wife's panties. I then put the panties on. The feeling was amazing. I got a huge erection and I could feel them sliding over my glans, and round my balls. Eventually I could feel one going up my bum. I knew I would come soon, so I let my wife tie me up, with my hands and feet speadeagled and attached to some furniture. She then took the panties down and about 15 of the slugs were crawling over my cock and balls. I came, spurting out loads of cum all over the poor things, but still couldn't move. My wife then took the other slugs out of the panties and placed them on my cock. She was careful to put some of them right on the opening of my cock, which was now covered in a mixture of sperm and glistening goo from the slugs. She opened up my arse and tried to put one in there too. I got hard again quite quickly as I thought of these slimy little things crawling over me. I imagined them biting me. One seemed to be trying to enter my uretha and this caused me to come again. That was 4 hurs ago. My cock is now very itchy, but I am about to give them another "feed".

Welcome to /b/

Welcome to /b/. You're ours now. Here's what you can expect.

You'll stay for a while, see a few threads, laugh a bit, and see a few odd things. You'll bookmark the place for further amusement. This is where it all begins.

Before too long, you'll find yourself checking on 4chan in increased frequencies. First it'll happen occasionally during the week. Then once every day or so. Then more frequently. You'll find yourself checking on it twice a day. Three times. Once per hour. Before you know it, you'll be browsing it for hours at a time.

Slowly, your life will take a back-seat to /b/. You'll find yourself forgetting to call people. You'll be late for work because you'll be reading legendary threads. Slowly, your life will decline into a mindless chaos.

As /b/ and 4chan slowly consume your mind, your humor will be replaced with our humor. You'll become glued to /b/. It'll be the only place you feel accepted. And then, you'll start accepting the weirder conventions. You'll find yourself fapping to loli, furry, guro, and all sorts of odd things you used to find disgusting. But now it'll all be commonplace for you, as a normal part of your life. Your personality.

And then, someday down the road, you'll realize what has happened to you. Your loved ones will have left you. You'll be alone. Unemployed. Struggling to survive. And worst of all, you'll be hooked. You won't be able to fight it, because we will be all you know, and all you remember. You'll slowly dissolve into madness, or mindless stupidity. Whichever comes first. And then, one day, you will snap, and all remains of your former self will be crushed under our weight.

Welcome, my friend. Welcome, my brother.

Welcome to your new home.

Welcome to /b/.

What a nice thief

Dear /b/, Yesterday I was having very pleasurable sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. We were my room. In the middle of this, I noticed a strange man dressed in black with a skeemask and a gun standing in my hallway. He was holding my new plasma television, an item I had to work for serval months to save enough money for. My girlfriend was ontop of me, facing my direction, and as such did not see him. I asume he expected me to take some for mof action agaisnt him, but I was enjoying my intercourse far to much. So I made a subtle gesture to him to carry on. My girlfriend would did not notice this either. Over the next half hour I saw him carry serval of my most prized possesions away. He was putting them into what I asumed was his automobile, I later found out it was mine. He drove off about the same time me and my girlfriend wrapped it up. She noticed that my stuff was gone pretty quickly. I told her the truth, expecting that she would respect my honesty. She told me that I was "A motheringfucking dumbass" , and dumped me. The man who stole my things later returned wit hmy car. He pulled my bike out of the back and road off. I was going to jump in and g oafter him, but I noticed he left a note in the car. It read "I couldn't bring myself to steal EVERYTHING from a retarted person". I decided not to call the cops on such a nice guy.

so, /b/ , anything I can do to get my Girlfriend back?